Culture Clash

Culture Clashes
Many foreign born Asian American, experience acculturation in American society. Similarly, I grew up in a traditional Vietnamese family and interacted with American cultures at school. Therefore, at home I have to be an obedient daughter and respect elders, but at school I create an identity for myself so I can interact with my classmates and friends. I try to balance my family life with my social life. When I entered high school, I began to have my own perspective of the world and values that was against my parents’ values. I started to have some small agruments with my parents. The biggest fight I had with them was about senior prom.
Like many American girls, I had been eager to go to senior prom since my freshmen year in high school. A month before senior prom, my family was having dinner. Like every dinner, my parent would ask how our day at school was. My little brother told a funny event that happened in his class and my father had a good laugh. Since my father was in a good mood, I decided to ask his permission about senior prom.
I finished chewing my food and straightened myself up, then asked, “Dad, can I go to senior prom? It will be take place at a hotel in San Francisco and it starts at 9 o’clock at night.”
With a neutral face, he responded, “NO, you cannot go.”
I demanded, “Why I cannot go? All my friends are going. Anyway, it is a once in a life time event!”
He put the chopstick down with force and roared, “No means no,” after saying that he left the dining table. I turned to my mother for help.
She gave me the sad eye and said, “Listen to your father. He knows what is best for you.” After that she also left to find my father.
At that moment, my big sister said, “Why do ask when you know answer already? Didn’t I have a big fight about this subject two years ago? You have caused a happy dinner to become an unfinished dinner. Don’t you feel ashamed? Don’t use that tone in front your parents!” I started to cry as she was lecturing me because I felt it was unfair and I realized I just disrespected my father. After her lecture, I went to my room and cried more.
The culture clash event that I have described above usually happens between Asian parents and Asian American children. This happens because of conflict in cultural values. In Vietnam, the family structure plays a very important part in society and means a lot to each individual. Both parents and children know how to maintain their own roles and responsibilities in the family. As George DeVol, a professor at Berkley, said about role in his studies,
“The role of the Japanese father is to be the head of the household. This role is irreproachably legitimate and dominant, demanding unquestioned respect from the child. The mother is expected to be deferent to and supportive of her husband. In playing her role as mother, she sees to it that her children develop a proper attitude toward their father. She demonstrates self control and avoids direct confrontation” (lecture 5, slide 3).
In my big argument with my father, my mother had played her role as supportive wife with her husband. Even though she understood and wanted me to go to prom, she avoided direct confrontation with my father.
Parents in Vietnam, especially the father, have the ultimate authority or power over the children. They act as supporters to assist their children to fit into the social structure. There is always the hierarchy in the family and in the relationship between parents and children. Parents seem somewhat more serious than friendly and are always strict to the children, but are always prepared to give encouragement and advice. When they have to use disciplinary means, they do not hesitate to apply harsh punishment, like striking. In turn, the obligation of children is to obey and respect their parents and elders. I had disrupted this hierarchy when I talked back to my father. I also disrespected him as the authority of the house. As Professor Sue said in lecture 6, Asian parents usually demand children to not do things but never provide a reason because they are afraid of loss of face when the children do not listen or argue back. Thus, my father is afraid loss of face so he left the dining table and did not provide a reason why I cannot goto prom. Furthermore, Asian men are taught to suppress their emotion or else it shows that they are weak or lose their authority. Therefore, my father left the dining table because he did not want to show his emotion. Also, the oldest child has the role of looking after their sibling when parents are not around. Thus, my big sister is obligated to lecture me when Iam being disrespectful to my father.
The so-called freedom in the Western culture and customs has destroyed the Vietnamese family structure very quickly. As soon as families come to the U.S., both parents have to go out looking for jobs to support their family. At the same time, the children spend most of their time at school or with friends. The family has very little time to be together after work and school, in order to discuss family problems or schoolwork. Since the children spend more time outside of the family than with their family, it is natural that they become Americanized quickly, although Vietnamese parents always try their best to prevent children from becoming Americanized and to maintain their culture as much as possible. By the time the children grow up, they are affected by the new lifestyle in this modern society and are influenced by the values of equality, freedom, and independence. These influences of both America culture and Asian culture have caused Asian Americans to become confused about their ethnicity.